Thursday, November 13, 2008

With my luck this story will be picked up by the wire services next

So I finally work up the nerve to put on a pair of ass enlarging yoga pants so I can completely embarrass myself take a yoga class with my friend Marilyn. I've driven past the studio about a million times, yet I still manage to take a wrong turn on my way there. This puts me at an impossible left turn which delays my arrival at the class, making me late for my plan to be there early. So my other plan to sneak in quietly and call absolutely no attention to my ass self is a big FAIL as every head in the room turns to watch me walk in, take off my jacket, take off my shoes, get a mat, get some blocks and find a place on the already crowded floor.

Don't mind me, I'm just here to disturb your inner peace.

But finally, success. I'm in the back, next to Marilyn where no one will ever see me attempt to bend and stretch and wobble and fold like a pretzel. But even as I hide myself there in the back, I can sense that it's not over, there's more coming my way. And I was right. Because of course, this is the night that the local paper is coming in to do a story and TAKE PICTURES.



Yup that's me. In my yoga pants. In. The. Paper.

Sigh...I wonder how next week's class will go?

Updated 11/14 to add the best alternative title for this post EVER, compliments of Peggy Sez:
"Does This Ashram Make My Ass Look Big?"

13 comments:

K. said...

I've totally had this dream! Except in mine my entire senior class is there, pointing at me and laughing. And the yoga pants are actually more like granny panties.

And then the yoga studio spontaneously bursts into flames.

Beachbum said...

I, unlike k., have not had such a dream...

Still, I'll try not to send a link to our local station.

Peggy Sez.. said...

Maybe a movie crew will be there!
I can see it now...
Zenmomma in her first feature film called.
"DUDE They Stole My Zen" or
"A Funny Thing Happned On The Way To Yoga"

Or my favorite (starring Me)
"Does This Ashram Make My Ass Look Big?"

Mrs. G. said...

Well at least that one woman is mainly blocking your (sweet) ass.

Ronnie said...

Dahling, don't be silly! You look faaabulous!

justhay said...

Karma has the best sense of humour ever.

Heehee.

~Vicki said...

That'll teach ya!

dharmamama said...

Well, Mary - There you are, being an example of the fact that yoga is NOT just for the young and assless. Perhaps seeing you, being you, in your yoga pants will inspire another mom who's concerned about how she looks in her yoga pants, to do yoga! And that can only be a good thing. Really.

Besides - you are quite beautiful! You and your yoga-panted badonkadonk.

Frank said...

Ahhh, that's what I love about kendo. The armor has a big, round belly so even the skinny guys look like they have big, round bellies. Plus, they rattle when you whack 'em. Ha!

My armor, OTOH, fits like a glove!

Rachel said...

I totally understand what you're saying, as I always feel like an old chubby lady compared with all the skinny 20 somethings in my yoga class. But you look great. In reading the article, however, I was struck with this quote: "whose behavior had caused their ouster from regular classes." I realize this refers to other students your instructor teaches, but I was just relieved to know he has the qualifications to deal with a rebel like you. ;)

Linda said...

I'm just disappointed that the picture isn't bigger. I can't even tell it's you! So is it a beginner class? How did you like it? Are you going to keep going?

Laura/CenterDownHome said...

Heehee! That was so funny.
Now I can wholeheartedly renew my commitment to practicing yoga in the privacy of my home with my Rodney Yee tapes.

Sissie said...

I'd love to go to Bikrams with you.....anyone up for sweltering hot yoga??????